topics i need to blog

- why fake personae piss me off
- how the internet's social experiments always disintegrate to the lowest common denominator
- why it takes 25 years to understand what you should have been doing in your 20's

I've spent my past two days in continuous discussion -- literally. From the minute I got to the office on Thursday until about 15 minutes ago when I decided to check in on the IEL blog before leaving for the weekend, I have been either in meetings or, between them, in conversations with colleagues about the subject matter of the meetings. And conversations about other ongoing and immediate issues that need to be addressed in meetings, important issues that too often never receive the attention they deserve. Why is this?

As often as I ponder this question, I always arrive at the same answer. It always boils down to humans. Ever-intriguing, perfectly-flawed and multiply-foibled humans.

In between the professional dialogues, I go home. I lament that it's almost dark now by seven p.m. I sometimes feel guilty that my son and I rarely have dinner before nine p.m. I hope our neighbors in the quiet little bedroom community that is Tallmadge, Ohio, are at least amused by the regular sight of us grilling something for dinner in the dark out on the deck. We are like displaced Europeans, living in our own slice of GMT. At home, my dialogues are with my son. He's a talker, much more than I am. My son needs to get his thoughts out verbally, needs I think for the sound of the words to bounce around, off of walls, off of people and back at him. It's how he arrives at clarity.

Lately, the talk has been about the Tallmadge school levy. This week, it's been about a meeting at which my son planned to give an informal presentation to a group of students who had chosen to meet to discuss what they might do to help the local school levy pass. My son really cares about this issue, because even though he has not had the greatest HS experience, he has friends who have. He worries that future students won't be able to have as good an experience if the levy fails, causing "non-essential" classes and activities to be cut. One of his friends asked him if he'd like to address the group, partly because last year he more or less single-handedly revived the school's Young Democrats club. So, he'd been thinking about what he planned to say and felt he had it together. Then he had a brief meeting with his principal on Wednesday morning and received the clear impression that she wanted him to focus on a few specific points, which she planned to reinforce. He found himself right in the middle of one of those situations where you are given the reigns to make decisions -- to lead -- and you do, and then you find out that what's really wanted of you is to follow.

When you feel that you are leading -- when your mind and spirit are in leader mode -- you tend to think big. So, when you're then asked to adapt what you were told was your plan to some new set of rules, they generally are way too narrow. Rules, by definition, are restrictions. Leaders don't believe in restriction. As Capt. James T. Kirk once said, "I don't believe in the no-win scenario."

So, he was wrestling with what to do. Give the comments he'd been thinking about, or not. Change the comments. Bail. He talked. I listened. He talked. I let his thoughts bounce off me, responding with first impressions, responding with my own speculations. Inside, I was mostly annoyed with the school environment that once again seemed dead-set on taking a great opportunity to teach students something real about leadership and, instead, turn it into some boring task. Once again, thinking that, if I were ever a school administrator, the one question I would ask every teacher and principal I supervised would be: "If you were a student, would you be passionately interested in your class?"

In the end, my son gave the speech he originally intended to give. He put himself out there -- he told the group that even though his HS experience wasn't great, he still felt that it would be important for future students to have the opportunity to have a great experience. He encouraged the students to check out some websites that provided information on both sides of the issue. He told them that it was important for them to be aware of not only why passing the levy was important, but why some people might have real reasons not to vote for it. He managed to maintain his composure as he talked, noticing his principal rolling her eyes at that suggestion.

I asked him how it went over. He said he was a little disappointed that only about 35 students showed up, but he felt that he connected with them. I asked him if they clapped. He said they did. And he said there was a long pause before the principal got up to give her presentation. Which made me smile. I'm always pleased when those who wish to suck the life out of an issue are blindsided by sincerity and honest passion.

One of my staff members falls back on a concept that her mother has nurtured in her since she was a child. The gist of it is that, regardless of the situation you're in, and the personalities of the people around you, "just let your light shine." Not all that different from the quote that Flo shared:

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Amen, I thought when I read that. Shortly afterward, I read Don's comment about reading chapter 4 (Fire in the Voice) of David Whyte's book, about how he liked the idea that leaders need to speak the truth, even when it's not what people want to hear, as I interpreted it. A phrase that Don used -- "we must wrestle with our internal integrity" -- immediately made me think of the book, Women Who Run With the Wolves (Clarissa Pinkola Estes, 1992). I read it when it came out, and to this day keep a copy of it close at hand. Wolves is a wonderful, remarkable book that uses fairy tales to illustrate Jungian archetypes and their roles in the individuation process. From a chapter on creativity:

"Creativity is a shapechanger. One minute it takes this form, the next that. It is like a dazzling spirit who appears to us all, yet it is hard to describe for no one agrees on what they saw in that brilliant flash. Are the wielding of pigments and canvas, or paint chips and wallpaper, evidence of its existence? How about pen and paper, flower borders on the garden path, building a university? Yes, yes. Ironing a collar well, cooking up a revolution? Yes. Touching with love the leaves of a plant, pulling down "the big deal," tying off the loom, finding one's voice, loving someone well. Yes. Catching the hot body of the newborn, raising a child to adulthood, helping raise a nation from its knees? Yes. Tending to a marriage like the orchard it is, digging for psychic gold, finding the shapely word, sewing a blue curtain?...

"Some say the creative life is in ideas, some say it is in doing....It is the love of something, having so much love for something -- whether a person, a word, an image, an idea, the land, or humanity -- that all that can be done with the overflow is to create."

I dig it. What do you think?

Amy's bullets provided me with one more "amen" moment:

• You need to know who you are - for real.
• You need to know what you stand for and what's important to you as a leader.
• You need to have the courage to make change, and to try things outside of your comfort zone. It may be delivering a difficult message, it may be making mid-course adjustments in ways that might be painful.
• You aren't going to get it perfectly right, but if you do nothing you're definitely doing it wrong.

In particular, the last one resonates with me. How many times do we see new ideas, out of the corner of our eye, just enough to know they really look like opportunities, but instead of focusing on them and investigating their potential we allow ourselves/staff/unit/organization be distracted by the process of trying to decide whether or not to explore them? While all along nothing is happening; while the opportunities come and go, we aren't doing anything to address the very issues that we're devoting all of our time to figuring out how to address? How often does the approach to the work actually prevent the work from being done? Those are periods when our jobs get in the way of us doing our jobs. When change is needed, doing something -- sometimes anything -- can't be worse than doing nothing. If what you decide to do turns out to be the wrong thing, you can simply stop doing it -- and try something else. But how often do we take no action out of a fear of taking the wrong action?

The thing is, getting there takes time -- gathering information takes time, talking takes time, thinking takes time. Leaders need to accept this and need to make the time to pursue new ways of doing things. They don't come to life on their own. In my career, I've rarely seen a brilliant concept introduced during a staff meeting. Why is this? Staff meetings are the times when teams are brought together, when the collective energies and minds of the team members are joined -- why do we seem to use these gatherings almost exclusively for updates? Does anyone regularly schedule meetings for the sole purpose of brainstorming?

...why not?...

So, it's Friday. It's dark again. Some questions have been asked, some have been answered and some will have to wait. My son gave his speech, putting a moment of personal truth behind him. And, at least for this week, the meetings are over.

ADM

Deus Ex Machina -- say what now?...

i suppose that this really shouldn't surprise me, given that over half of the population around here believes that the universe is 6,000 years old, but -- come on!! take a look......

``Jesus Power and Light'' -- a free-electricity promotion denounced by scientists, consumer advocates and state attorneys general -- was pitched at an Akron City Council member's Sept. 5 ward meeting.

apparently, there's this sales guy named Fred Gissendaner, described as "a respected local sports hero and community figure," who claims to be a "certified dealer for the Hummingbird Motor & Sundance Generator, which purportedly harnesses the energy of permanent magnets to produce more electricity than it uses."

gets better. at the moment, the AKtual MagiK Machines aren't available. for now, Gissandaner is peddling a DVD that explains the technology. shell out your $20 for the disk, and you get to be one of 1.6 million so-called "witnesses" who will be invited to football fields across America and Canada on July 10, 2007, for the machine's debut. then they get to have the generators installed in their homes, at which point they're entitled to free electricity for life.

how will this work? according to Gissandaner, International Tesla Electric Co. (ITEC) will retain ownership of the home-installed generators, and the company will sell all the excess electricity being created in everyone's backyards, garages and basements back to the utilities. forgive us -- of course you wanna know what it looks like...

looks pretty legit, huh? but who's that dashing gentleman in the picture? could it be Fred Gissandaner? alas, no. it is none other than Dennis Lee. so, who is Dennis Lee?

a coupla google searches later, and it's no surprise to this cybernaut that this whole thing has sketchy roots. Dennis Lee, apparently, is some kinda techno-snake oil salesman for the new millenium. in an open letter he wrote in May of 1999, to explain to former members of the Tesla Society why it had been acquired for a grand total of $5,000, Lee proclaims, "It is my belief that Nikola Tesla was the greatest scientist ever to grace mankind with his presence....I am in awe of his greatness and respect his insight more than I do any other human this side of Jesus Christ." how touching. or weird. Lee refers to good old Nikola as "the Guru," while referring to himself, more modestly, as the Director of Research for Better World Technologies.

the BBA, on the other hand, refers to the whole thing as a scam. not to be discouraged, good old Akron, Ohio has seen the likes of Lee's shameless hucksterism before, back in 1999.

so, how is it that he is coming back? not to mention how a hair-brained scheme like this managed to get floor time at a ward meeting. according to the linked article, Akron Councilwoman Renee Greene, commenting on Gissandaner, said "she was unaware of the court actions or Lee's connection to Gissendaner's investment proposal when she agreed to let Gissendaner speak at her meeting."

"Fred is the kind of person that I consider resourceful," she said. "He came to us from a religious perspective."

She doesn't think any harm was done at the meeting because nobody took him up on the offer.

"If my church was going to be involved, then we would be investigating," she said. "Otherwise, this was just a pass-along-information thing."

ah! -- now we get it. if it were for your church, you'd take a closer look, but, hell, it's good enough for the city, yo!

Nikola Tesla
(July 10, 1856 - January 7, 1943)

it all started when.....

if i could overcome inertia, the first thing i'd do would be to write a book, which would be nothing more than a clever presentation of a whimsical intellectual journey on the web, with Google as my travel agent, one esoteric search leading to another, each path leading to a virtual door, opening into a metaphorical rooms ("it's like a room....."), the walls of which are covered by more virtual doors ("....full or doorways....."), each door opening into seemingly endless vistas of information, bizarre and inspiring.

maybe i should point out that my Google searches regularly tend to spin out of control. they start out well, mind you -- what you will see here is fairly typical: what begins as a search for a fairly precise kernel of information tends to rapidly disintegrate into a gargantuan digression.

which likely explains why i haven't written the aforementioned book. (see? it's not really inertia, after all. and certainly not laziness -- if anything, i'm too BUSY learning to write the damned book!)

kinda like this......i land at the doorstep of the Partridge Family Temple. oddly enough, what led me there was reading about Peter H. Gilmore, High Priest of the Church of Satan, who apparently has or once had some association with the Partridge worshippers. the things you learn on the web.

no, i'm not a satan worshipper. i got there, because i was reading about ketamine. and i was reading about ketamine because there's a huge plant outside of my office. allow me to explain.

i was reading Dale Pendell's latest, PHARMAKO/GNOSIS: Plant Teachers and the Poison Path. (Dale's a great read, even if you don't give a hoot about the powers of plants.) i was reading about Angel's Trumpets in the "Daimonica" chapter, because there's a huge specimen of this very plant flourishing outside of my office.as i continue to read the rest of the book, there's a chapter on ketamine. Pendell talks about legendary scientist and psychonaut John Lilly, who was a user of the scary dissociative drug. he then lists the names of some of Lilly's pals who died. since i have this weird fascination with morbid facts, i decide to see what i can learn about these people, but of the 4 or 5 listed, i could only remember the name of Marcia Moore, so i looked her up.

reading about Marcia touches on reading about other people who have messed around with ketamine, and one of them is -- wait for it -- the devilish Peter H. Gilmore.

somewhere along this path, i'm led astray by the Lilly's mischievous spirit, who takes me to Darenet, where i clicked on a link labelled, "New Federally required warning label to be placed on all medical Marijuana." this takes me to a friendly little skull and crossbones.while i'm there, i can't resist reading about Lilly's 80th Birthday Party. all i learned from this published account was that the great man would have benefitted from hiring a party planner.

i think i'm done, but find that i still have this satan guy on the radar. what the hell (ha!), i click on his link, which leads me to the cyber-HQ of the dark church itself. i mumble some Latin and make the sign of the cross, but i am a Fearless and Inveterate Explorer, and will not be daunted by The Spooky. i click on the "News" link to see what the wackos are up to. as it turns out, not much. this comes as no surprise to me. i've long thought that evil, in the grand scheme of things, was boring, and i like to think that the devil and his minions are, at heart, slothful creatures. so, the Prince of Darkness's "news" page turns out to be mostly a place to promote events, magazines and movies. kind of a "This Week in Helltown" thingy. among our finds...

scary books. scary radio. scary B&W films. scary Mexican movies.



the devil's own diary (scary!). guys in drag. scary sexy things, because we all know the devil is always horny. scary art. even scary babydolls.
















plus, judging by the blurb, a helluva fun party:

"This Halloween season, the Witches of Salem celebrate the power of the men in our lives. Men, dress as your most rebellious and devilish as you cast off the shackles of authority and walk as the god that you are! Women, dress in your most sexy black garters and lace for those you hope to bewitch and ensnare."

billed as "the World’s most exclusive Halloween event!" it's The Official Salem Witches Halloween Ball!! sounds like the witches know how to party!....

Bewitchments of the Evening Include

* Sumptuous hors d'oeuvres
* Free Tarot readings by practicing Salem Witches
* An eclectic mix of music from Pop to Goth, Industrial to Top 40 with dj addambomb
* A cash bar to serve your favorite potion
* $666 Cash Prize for Best Costume
* 2nd Place Winner will receive 2 tickets to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball (for 2006 or 2007)
At the evening's pinnacle, all Witches and Warlocks present will break the chains of guilt-laden oaths placed upon them by orthodox faiths as they meet the man in black and sign his book, striking new oaths and promises to a more magical life...

damn! this sounds like fun even for an amateur pagan like me! check out the pics!

"As a special Halloween treat to our esteemed friends at the Church of Satan, tickets are $100 per person for COS members only (regular price: $150 per ticket). When ordering tickets, please use the discount codeword: SATAN"

in the end, just good clean fun.

(note: do not try this at home. this post took me 4 hours to do. -- ed.)

the holidays deyz done upon us

yup, yup, yup. just about a week ago, i was standing in my driveway around midnight, looking at the stars and enjoying a near 70-degree breeze. by the following afternoon, the temperature had dropped 50 (count 'em) degrees, and yesterday afternoon, the flurries came in.

i am so not enthralled by the winter. there was a time in my life when i looked forward to it simply because i'd be able to pull out the wool sweaters. that penchant too has waned. these days in my life, i spend most of my hopeful energy during the winter looking forward to spring. if i'm lucky, maybe i'll do some sledding with my son, or ice skating. i did purchase a pair of snowshoes to give me one less excuse to not go outside this season. you see, there are things about the winter that i do like, love even. i love how the woods look during and after a heavy snow. pristine. crystalline. i love how the woods sound when it's snowing, millions of ice crystals pelting what the ground, the frozen branches, the creeks. i love how it smells.

but i don't like the cold much. and i hate the early darkening of the afternoons. the growing piles of sludgy, black frozen snow that begin to line sidewalks and curbs with gray-black lumps of rood soot and gravel encrusted ice. i hate the way drivers become absolute idiots, their road behavior being the only trivial matter that nonetheless makes me wish harm on my fellow man. i hate having to consider how many layers i will need to wrap around me before leaving the house for any reason, and i hate having to devote mental energy to coordinating said layers. and i hate the familiar harsh blast of cold air in my face at every turn. i especially hate it when it happens on the street or in open spaces between buildings, when the icy blasts feel capable of penetrating every inch of your clothing and you truly do understand how the weather can kill a person.

the holidays are upon us. most people in america have already started. it's odd -- so many people, such huge numbers of people, all doing similar things, moving in similar ways, repeating similar tasks. sure, your stuffing may have almonds in it while your neighbor's has water chestnuts, yours cooked in the bird with store-bought bread crumbs, theirs in a separate pan with homemade croutons; through the years, your family may have upgraded to cheesecake over pumpkin pie, while your best friend's family continues to swear by apple pie; maybe you have baked beans instead of corn; or macaroni and cheese instead of yams -- whatever the case, families, friends and i'd imagine a good collection of strange individuals are already, as you are reading this, defrosting 30-lb headless farm-raised birds, if not stalking their wild cousins in the aforementioned woods, hearts set on murder.

the luckiest of us among them will retreat to various homesteads, to either our mother's homes, or our grandmother's homes. sometimes an aunt picks up the duty of hosting the family's traditional feast, sometimes the eldest daughter, or the first-born son's wife, or the youngest daughter, or a coalition of the unmarried daughters of the family, yielding to the demands of their society and a culture that offers them some small level of redemption for not contributing to the gene pool, let alone the future tax base, through the act of reproduction. instead, they work off their unpaid tithes through the labor of cooking and baking and basting and carmelizing and frosting and slicing and kneading...

the less lucky will attempt to capture the spirit of the homestead celebrations, but in some faraway place. like Hawaii, if you're from the midwest, or somewhere in Europe, if you're an american. or in the middle east, if you're a soldier, a sailor or a marine. displaced fellow ohioans will say annoying things like, "it's just not thanksgiving without snow" to people like me who would sacrifice something of great value without much hesitation to be living in a place where snow in november is no more than the basis of a silly joke.

the unluckiest of us will not celebrate at all. and there's no justice or fairness in that, because we live in a nation that can afford -- maybe not easily, maybe not all on the same day -- but we can afford to feed the world. why don't we?

oh yeah. i forgot. gotta start getting ready for christmas.

happy thanksgiving, everyone.

*phoomph!* Test-one. Test, test. Test-two. *tap-tap*

*clears throat*

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